Now that the Miss America pageant no longer has a swimsuit category in the competition, I'm left with one less issue who's fate I should ponder - so I've turned to other quandaries. What does Year Two hold in store for me - for us?
- Will I fall victim to the sophomore jinx and all of the successes that I've racked up will not be repeated?
- Will my course of maintenance treatment continue to sustain the progress that the stem cell transplant has begun, and work to beat back the slow incursion of myeloma cells seeking to re-establish themselves within me?
- I'm only seeing Dr. S. once every three months moving forward, will that allow a protracted gap of healthcare coverage/interaction that could lead to other issues?
- Will my well of observations dry up and I'll no longer be inspired to share pithy (if not trivial) insights into my life and the lives of others?
- Will a cure for my incurable disease be released and free me from the fate of an inevitable relapse? survivable yes, but unwanted nonetheless.
- Will the Vikings finally win the Super Bowl? (just had to throw that one in amidst these other questions and prognostications).
I don't know the answers to any of the aforementioned musings, but I do know one thing for sure - no matter how hard I think about them or worry about them, I'm not going to change the course of their occurrence (or not), and I will have wasted a lot of energy fretting over something that I have no control over. Clearly I can do much to support the medicine and medicos that are working to keep me healthy, but beyond the science and scientists, I can just keep swinging, keep smiling and keep centered on the goal of a life with cancer and dignity and grace and mirth. I'll have down days and up (I'm a human being after all), but it won't be due to the Big C - I can control that part within me. Life is a book of blank pages, the choice is mine as to how I wish to fill them - what story I opt to write.
